Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
