ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
