Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
