you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize