Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You fucked him, didnāt you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. Iām just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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