1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
