meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
