I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
