ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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