I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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