the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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