One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize