Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
