Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
