I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize