Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
