I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
