I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
