I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
