I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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