I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize