the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
