Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize