Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
