went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize