whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
