If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize