Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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