So drunk, too bad you don't want this
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
