thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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