My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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