Kiss
Puke
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
