took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
