did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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