where am i from again
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
