using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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