This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
