Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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