I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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