Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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