3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
