tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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