I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My bed smells like the plague
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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