We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
