i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
