Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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