Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
