Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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