At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
