nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
