My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You've changed since you got that strap on
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
