it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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