margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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