Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
