She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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