I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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