It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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