Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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