she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize