someone owes me an orgasm
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
