I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
