I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
